Tonight’s Version of Whatever it is that I Do…

The straight news is brought to you courtesy of Citizens for Legitimate Governement
The sarcasm is mine alone.

U.S. troops kill three sleeping Iraqi guards as they storm state-run flour mill

Couldn’t they have at least waited til the guards were awake before shooting them?

A senior military official pledged Wednesday to address congressional concerns about a new homeland emergency response task force that is designed to respond to a chemical, biological or nuclear attack.

We won’t violate any laws.  Just let us do it.  What could it hurt?  It will be nothing like the Patriot Act…

Ariz. police say they are prepared as War College warns military must prep for unrest –IMF warns of economic riots

Look – more psychics predicting domestic unrest that will necessitate the use of armed forces against the populace!  The government is positively overrun with psychics!

The latest Pentagon estimate for the number of additional troops needed to fight foment the Taliban insurgency in Afghanistan has risen to 25,000, ABC News has learned.

Here’s the latest commercial from the Pentagon:  Just Say Taliban!

For nearly five years, FBI leaders encouraged employees on temporary assignment in Iraq to bill an average of $45,000 in overtime and extra pay by routinely claiming to work 16 hours a day, seven days a week…

Sounds like the FBI has learned much from Halliburton.

The Iraqi journalist who threw his shoes at George Bush was beaten afterwards and had bruises on his face, the investigating judge in the case said today.

And people say we taught the Iraqis nothing

Interoute, the internet networks company, reports that three of the four internet sub-cables that run from Asia to North America have been damaged.

Didn’t this just happen over a year ago?  Those wacky undersea cables sure break a lot.

A federal magistrate judge has ruled that the U.S. Secret Service “made a mockery” of long-standing rules by failing to preserve, concealing and even destroying evidence sought by 10 African American current and former employees in a racial discrimination case.

They’re probably also the ones who `deleted’ all of Cheney’s email from the system…

Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich said on Friday he had done nothing wrong and would not resign..

He vowed to stay in office until O.J. is declared innocent and set free.

Sherry L. Johnston was charged with six felony counts of misconduct involving a controlled substance. Johnston is the mother of Levi Johnston, the Wasilla 18-year-old who received international attention in September when Gov. Sarah Palin and her husband, Todd, announced their teenage daughter was pregnant and he was the father.

One of his errant sperm is more famous than any of us will ever be.  Happy 15 minutes!

Exxon Mobil Corp. will pay a $6.1 million fine for violating a three-year-old agreement to reduce pollution at six refineries…

When reached for comment, the lawyers snickered and said, “$6.1 million?  We wipe our butts with that kind of chump change…”

Pelosi: New Bush Administration Rule an Assault on Women’s Health Care

This is as close to action as she’s come since she took office!