Hallmark’s Not-Yet-Written Cards

Now that it’s 2010, or so I hear, the greeting card companies have to get with the times and put out some up to date cards.  Off the top of my head, here are a few suggestions:

  • Gee, Sorry You Got Herpes (or the more pointed Sorry I Gave You Herpes)
  • Apparently internet dating ain’t what you thought it was
  • Bummer about your candidate card (sent to libertarians every four years)
  • the all-purpose Sarah Palin card  (open it up, there’s nothing inside)
  • the What’s Four Feet of Snow Between Friends card
  • Sorry I Finished Too Fast card
  • the Obama card  (promises money inside but it just costs a lot more)
  • Mac card  (elegant cover, overpriced, requires Steve Jobs’ permission to sign)
  • the Dick Cheney card  (now with anthrax)
  • the Sorry I Boinked Your Daughter card
  • the Windows card  (you have to keep re-signing it)
  • the Newt Gingrich card  (it’s a Christmas card – no, it’s a Hanukkah card!)
  • Sorry I was Wearing Your Underwear card
  • the Snuggie card  (it’s a regular card, you doofus)
  • the Race card  (it’s because I’m white, isn’t it?)