Real life has recently trumped anything I could write, so I’m giving you some stuff I’ve overheard in the last day or so.
Police are looking for a potential bomber in New York City. They say that he’s white and in his 40s.
HAVING A SALE
My nephew toils thanklessly for a very large retailer. They were having a huge sale, which made his job really difficult. Due to idiotic staffing, managers were called in on their day off.
One manager was very agitated and said that he `didn’t need to be at work in his day off with all these f-ing morons….’
My nephew, all six plus feet of him, looked his mangler in the eye and totally without thought inquired exactly who he was referring to as a f-ing moron.
The mangler’s jaw moved, then closed, then moved again, producing no sound. He promptly apologized.
WHY THE CENSUS IS BAD
There’s a lady who has a mildly retarded child. He is able to stay home while she works without issue.
Today, however, there’s an issue. Little Bobby calls his mom at work and says she has to come home NOW.
Mom tried to calm Bobby, telling him to relax and asking what’s wrong. Is he OK?
Yes, he’s OK.
Is the house OK?
Yes, the house is OK.
What’s the problem?
I caught a troll.
What did you do with the troll?
He’s in the closet.
Why is he in the closet?
I knew he was going to come in anyway so I nabbed him and put him in the closet.
Is the troll OK?
Yes, I’m feeding him Skittles under the door. Everyone is OK.
You sit tight and Mommy will be right home.
— Mom drove home very quickly. When she arrived, Bobby was sitting with his back against the door, pushing Skittles under it to feed the troll.
Mom opened the door to find a vertically-challenged gentleman from the census bureau. He was very understanding, not to mention thankful that she came home early from work to let him out.