It’s Time to Refudiate Sock Height

I think there are times when it’s completely ok to be completely out of it.  Lady Gaga and Amy Winehouse are two perfect examples of things that it’s perfectly ok to miss.

On two separate occasions recently, my drummer has made strange wisecracks about my socks.  Since he’s a drummer, most people tend to simply dismiss whatever he says, a practice that has always worked for me.

After the band’s last show, a coworker’s wife sent word in that I need to push my socks down.

Ok, I figured there must be something there.  When in doubt, ask a woman.  The closest woman in proximity last night was the wife.  I hesitated to ask, as this is the woman who systematically threw out a bunch of my socks because they had stripes on them.  I strongly disagreed with this practice, as the socks weren’t full of holes (like Windows) and were performing their sockly duties with aplomb.  Apparently `they looked retarded’ so they had to go.

I took my chances and asked anyway.   As quickly as you can say vuvuzela, she told me that men are not wearing normal socks these days; they’re wearing what I refer to as anklets, like women.

At that moment, you could have knocked me over with a striped sock.

Apparently I never got the bulletin.  Perhaps my subscription to Sock Monthly had lapsed.  Maybe it’s just because I don’t spend any time at all looking at men’s legs.  We have a situation here: my legs are out of fashion! Oh, the humanity.   And here I am, having just started wearing shorts.

My coworker, sympathetic to my plight, informed me that we are supposed to look cooler with lower socks (or something).  And I always thought that putting a squash in my pants was the way to look impressive.  Here I am – totally out of it.  Again.

This sparked a debate about crew socks.  We had to bring the internet in to referee the dispute.  Crew socks come in REGULAR and anklet.  I won.

I guess I have several choices now:

  • walk around in shorts, terminally embarrassed
  • only wear long pants to hide my shame
  • walk around in shorts, proud of the height of my socks
  • stop pulling my socks up
  • wait for my wife to throw out these socks and substitute anklets (this should theoretically be significantly harder for her to pull off).

And I thought it was difficult deciding which equipment to bring to a show….