Sure, that dual-hearted rascal from Gallifrey — the one known far and wide simply as “The Doctor” — is only the most famous face on the Jelly Baby circuit, but did you know that he’s also got a sweet tooth for delicious, freshly baked cookies? It only makes sense; how else could you explain his need for a TARDIS Cookie Jar?
This mysterious, bigger-on-the-inside box serves as his home, his conveyance, and his pantry — in other words, this is a Doctor who happens to be a time-traveling, space-hopping alien, but he lives in his car, so to speak. It’s fine. We, the people of LockerGnome, don’t judge.
What Do You Put in a TARDIS Cookie Jar?
What delicious delights would come with a TARDIS Cookie Jar that gets craftily lifted from the Time Lords’ planet, anyway? Type 40 Pfeffernüsse? Gallifreyan Gingerbread? Time Lord Toffee Chip? Shobogan Shortbread? Rassilon Raspberry? Prydonian Peanut Butter? Omega Oatmeal? Eye of Harmony Hamantash?
Along the way, I suppose one might stock it with favorites found during the course of many (say 50 — give or take 900 — years’ worth of) adventures.
Sensorite Snickerdoodle? Osirian Orange? Dalek Double Chocolate? Zygon Zebra? Cybermat Cinnamon? Yeti Yellow? Eldrad Eggnog? War Chief Walnut? Silurian Stroopwafel? Brigadier Brownie? Mawdryn Molasses? Axon Almond? Rani Ricciarelli? Mandragora Macadamia? Sea Devil Sugar? Romanadvoratrelundar Raisin? Metebelis Maple? Androzani Amaretti? Nestene Nut? Kroton Krumkake? Silence Spritzgebäck? Morbius Mocha? Traken Toll House? Movellan Macaroon? Varos Vanilla? Weeping Angel Wafer? Pandorica Peach? Jagaroth Jammie Dodger?
How would you fill up a TARDIS Cookie Jar? Could you even fill up a TARDIS Cookie Jar? Is it, as Earthling Clara Oswin Oswald once remarked, “smaller on the outside?”
TARDIS Cookie Jar May Be Hazardous to Your Waistline
It’s safe to say that The Doctor has been snacking ever since he left his home world, but running away from (and sometimes to) Daleks, Sontarans, and Cybermen (oh, my) gets him plenty of exercise to work off the extra calories. And if the pounds ever do start to pack onto his Gallifreyan gut during times of quiet reflection (like a reading binge at a planet-sized library, for instance), then he can always regenerate the weight away.
If you’re not a Time Lord, however, and proximity to a TARDIS Cookie Jar might override the discipline of proper nutrition coupled with regular exercise, then I suppose there’s always the Adipose diet…