While shooting first can sometimes get you out of a difficult contract negotiation, having a good blaster at your side isn’t always a match against hokey religions and ancient weapons — or even just the common treachery of an old best friend. Exhibit A: The Han Solo Carbonite Bottle Opener reminds us of what happens when a smug smuggler botches a job from an organized crime boss who’s well-known for demonstrating random acts of sadism on employees who don’t deliver (and even sometimes the ones who do).
As Captain Solo soon discovered, there’s not a galaxy big enough to escape the wicked clutches of a twisted megalomaniac with nearly unlimited financial resources and the desire to send a message. And once you mix in political intrigue and involvement in the destruction of government property on a massive scale, the very walls begin to talk just to be the first to rat you out for maximum reward. And now, Han Solo Carbonite Bottle opener, you are a wall. Well, sort of. You can stick to a wall if it’s made of metal because you’ve got a magnet on your back, but your most likely haunt will be a rotating spot on the refrigerator door among crinkled pizza delivery advertisements and the crayon scrawlings of tiny earthlings.
I Love You, Han Solo Carbonite Bottle Opener
Hey, it could be worse. You could be back in that crazy Hutt’s palace, frozen in time as a perpetually entertaining trophy for his court of terrified sycophants, or you could be hanging out with us here in our humble homestead and kick back with a beer or two — I’ll supply the beverages if you agree to open them. Sound like a better deal?