Believe it or not, there are some very clear benefits to having a Bacon Bookmark over a real slab of bacon. For instance, you wouldn’t want to slide a real slab of fat-drenched bacon between the pages of a real book — but judging from the condition of some library materials that I’ve checked out, some of you out there (and you know who you are) like to do just that!
There’s nothing quite like thumbing through a paperback from the older collection and witnessing just what messy havoc a few decades of breakfast table reading can deliver upon its once-pristine pages. The truly veteran tomes that have endured everything from late lunches at the office to Thanksgiving Day marathon reading benders could probably feed a family of five for a month with the second-hand leavings so generously absorbed into their leaves. In fact, scientists I made up just now have determined that a single bacon-besmirched work by Tolstoy could support a teeming city of 2,000,000 people.
Bacon Bookmark Benefits
Come on, ladies and gents. There’s a better way to keep your place when you’re chugging through a new bestseller or classic favorite novel, and it doesn’t involve pressing juicy, greasy, pork-based meatstuffs into service as a bookmark. For your consideration, I humbly present the Bacon Bookmark!
This useful doodad is crafted from sturdy card stock rather than briny swine, so it’s free of the grease, scent, and taste of real bacon. Not only will this keep your pages looking as bright and shiny as the day they rolled off the publisher’s printing press (or whatever fancy-shmancy implements of technology are used for making books these days), but the Bacon Bookmark won’t distract you from reading with the fragrance and taste of real bacon that drives sane men mad and brainy ladies stupid.
Nope. The Bacon Bookmark makes sure you only stay hungry for learning. Mmm! Pass the knowledge!
Get your own Bacon Bookmark and keep your books (and brain) sharp!