What with the stiff competition for stories, as well as my own competition to piss certain segments of the blog-reading public off, I figured I’d inaugurate a new segment here: Marshall’s blog.

If you need the history on Marshall, feel free to click on the bar above, where it says ‘Marshall.’  Suffice it to say he’s my dog.  I figured I’d turn him loose and see what happens.

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Statistics:

Marshall: black cocker spaniel, adopted from rescue agency in New Jersey

Age: indeterminate… around 5.

Gender: male but doesn’t matter.

Weight: 28lbs

Favorite food: cat food, like the aliens in District Nine

Siblings: Ren (Satan) the cat, also around 5

Hobbies: shredding (prefers used tissues)

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7:30am

Oh, what a morning.  I got up with my daddy and ran at top speed into the kitchen to see if there was any cat food.  So did that blasted cat.  Went out to pee then back to bed.

8:30am

Didn’t feel much like getting up… Mondays suck.  Mommy had to roll me off her so she could get up.  Wiggled upside down on bed and made groaning noises.  Ran down steps at top speed into the kitchen to see if there was any cat food.

9:00am

Humped cat.

9:30am

Stood in window and warned other dog not to walk on my street.

Found yummy used paper towels in trash and shredded them all over the living room.  Mommy wonders where I keep getting them from.  She keeps complaining that she got the Smart Cocker, whatever that means.

11:00am

Mommy fell asleep on the couch.  I fell asleep on Mommy.  Damn cat jumped on Mommy’s head, demanding food.  I went to the kitchen to help.

11:05am

Ran into kitchen at top speed to see if there was any cat food.

12:00pm

Cat swatted me so we rolled around on the floor until Mommy yelled.

Humped the cat anyway.

1:00pm

Located a stuffed animal on a shelf.  Disemboweled it.  Mommy not happy.  I ran to my food bowl and ate some, like I had been there all day.

4:00pm

Squeaked and barked like mad at mailman.  FedEx ok, mailman evil.

5:00pm

Lined up at the window with that cat when we heard Daddy’s car.  Ran to my food bowl and ate some when he walked in.  He doesn’t understand this but I have my reasons.

6:00pm

Ran into kitchen at top speed to see if there was any cat food.  When parents yelled, I pretended I had to go outside instead.

8:00pm

Kept parents safe while they ate.  Made sure nothing hit the floor.  For Christmas I want to be an only child.

9:00pm

Sacked out on sofa til time for bed.

11:00pm

News says the best movie award went to Cocker Locker.

Bout time.