Sometimes my coworkers refuse to listen to reason (even if it comes from me).  Why just yesterday, someone came into the office to announce there was someone outside with a computer.  When I suggested picking up the closest heavy glass ashtray and flinging it at her, she had the audacity to laugh and say she couldn’t.

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We recently had a corporate retreat (RETREAT!!!!).  The Big Boss did about two hours on love and relationships.  No one knows why.  But the big news is that it was announced that sex at work is perfectly okay.

Now as far as most of us are concerned, sex anywhere is perfectly okay, provided you don’t get caught (unless you’re one of those).    But apparently it is now officially okay at work, with the proviso that you’re doing your work.  It’s OK for men, it’s OK for women, it’s OK regardless of orientation.

I thought to myself `this is wonderful’.  Where else can one work under these circumstances?

Then I thought about it further…

We are typically a very inclusive corporation, yet the Big Boss was practicing the politics of exclusion during his address.  Out of all the love of which he spoke, he specifically excluded self-love.  You know, self-love, as practiced by the married, who occasionally have to take things into their own hands.

Thinking further, he also excluded love between more than two people.  So if I understood it correctly, sex in the workplace is okay if there are two of you (no more, no less) and you’re getting your work done.   Clarification will be needed as to whether you are expected to get your work done simultaneously, as it were.

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And speaking of Grand Love, we have recently been advised that if we wish to meet a new friend for a quickie, it would be a very good idea to verify that the other person comes with his or her original plumbing.  This is obviously to help avoid the kind of surprise that no one wants.  We’re apparently going to get some very diverse coworkers.

To say I work in the Twilight Zone is an understatement.