Why do we not discuss sex? According to Violet, America (and much of the world) has become so puritanical that we equate sex and sexuality with something negative or bad. There is a real fragility in having these types of conversations and building these communities. She’s seen many online communities falter over the years. Sometimes, they are disposed of due to a particular service being closed or sold. However, there are times when the almighty Terms of Service are evoked and she watches people’s voices be stifled once again.

Violet didn’t set out to be a tech geek. Her “AH HAH!” moment came years ago when she realized that the media either wanted to pretend sex didn’t exist or they wanted to discuss it as though it is a bad and scary thing. She realized the best thing she could do with her life is to change the conversation by changing the distribution routes.


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Sadly, it’s difficult to build sustainable and stable social media models. This frustrates her to no end, as it does many of the rest of us. Her passion for the work she does came from seeing problems. The more she learns, the more she realizes how large the black hole is when it comes to sexuality being discussed openly and with honesty.

Many sites — Facebook included — take the stance of either contextualizing the hell out of sex or pretending it doesn’t even exist. This is a problem that will continue to make social media structures fragile and makes us vulnerable as a culture. Violet is working on shattering her way through issues such as these by opening the eyes of one person at a time.

If you thought the social graph would save us all, you are sadly mistaken. You just might be that poor dude trapped in the seatbelt of your car while Google Streets drives by to snap a picture.

Don’t let the gatekeepers decide what you should discuss. Make your voice heard… whether you are talking about sexuality or whatever else it may be that drives your passion.

Violet is a Forbes “Web Celeb,” a high-profile tech personality and one of Wired’s “Faces of Innovation.” She is regarded as the foremost expert in the field of sex and technology, a sex-positive pundit in mainstream media (MacLife, The Oprah Winfrey Show, others) and is regularly interviewed, quoted, and featured prominently by major media outlets.

Violet has many award-winning, best selling books; her books are featured on Oprah’s website. She was the notorious sex columnist for the San Francisco Chronicle. The London Times named Blue one of the 40 bloggers who really count (2010).