For some strange reason, Halloween is my wife’s favorite holiday. I used to believe it was because I was not involved but that turned out to be a misunderstanding.
The house becomes all Halloweened up, (more) things start springing up on the lawn, and still more lighted thingies appear in the windows. One particular holiday manifestation made a noise like heavy construction equipment operating just outside the front door. Guess which wasn’t my favorite this year…
The wife loves to sit outside and hand out candy. This is quite a rapid departure from my single years, when I left a large bowl of candy outside for the kids, thus still feeding the little buggers, whilst keeping them out of my hair. For some strange reason, my wife likes this job so it automatically became hers. I suspect this is related to her really enjoying her nieces and nephews: she can play with them and give them back while retreating to the safety (and quiet) of her own home.
It has been unseasonable warm this week, right up until last night. Tonight was a real chiller, especially if you chose to sit out front and give out candy. I tried to be a nice guy and spend some time out there but the Call of the Couch became too much for me. Plus I spent twenty minutes trying to defrost my buttocks.
It was wonderful to see actual well-behaved little hellions with parents keeping a protective eye from twenty five feet away. Tonight’s best costume award went to the two infant twins dressed as bride and groom in the same coach. We mused that the truly scary part of the costumes was marriage. We also told the parents to go easy on the babies, as this would require five to ten years of professional couch time.
One couple walked up on my wife talking to me but couldn’t see me. They were somewhat concerned that she might be talking to (and answering) herself. If they only knew.
The award for the absolute worst costume went to the fat little kid who couldn’t be bothered to say thank you because he was talking on his cell phone. Minus twenty style points and a ticket.
My older nephew stopped by, prodded by his father to ask who was that hairy beast (and his dog). We told him Marshall was supposed to be the famous movie star Hairy Cocker and I was dressed as an MIS guy with a bad attitude. All were in agreement that I pulled it off too well.
SHE ASKED FOR IT
My sister-in-law is not exactly as open and jocular about sex and life was we are. Since my wife spent a lot of time at her house recently, she mentioned that it must be pretty odd at our house, with all of my joking around about sex. My wife doesn’t think much about it so she didn’t have an awful lot of input on it.
At some point, laundry came up. My wife mentioned that she used to do my brother’s laundry when he lived with us. She made fun of his bikini underwear and was assured that he does not wear that anymore. The sister-in-law then made a comment about me being a boxer shorts kind of guy. It is at these points that I truly understand how lucky I am to have found my wife. Without thinking, she answered that I don’t wear underwear, which did not sit too well with the sister-in-law at all. I suspect she now fully understands why we’re married.
Like most of the country, I managed to miss the Rally for Sanity in DC this weekend. Fortunately, I did come across this site, which has some of the best signs I have ever seen at any rally. If you go there and don’t agree, I’ll refund your money.
Just in case the Halloween spirit hasn’t totally left your body, not to be replaced for at least another year, hit this site, which shows you what you’d look like as a zombie. Or on Monday after a two day bender.
What exactly can be told by examining the Prince of Darkness‘ genome? We’re talking Ozzy, not Cheney, folks.
It’s double his salary! Just imagine what this means to Krispy Kreme workers!
Meet the Press?
I was just kinda hoping it would make me sterile. (so was half the country)
Ever wonder what the criteria is for this? Well, the person has to be dead – that’s a given. And a celebrity….
That one kinda wrote itself, didn’t it?