For those of you who are outside of the U.S., and who are not familiar with our Thanksgiving celebration, let me provide you with a brief explanation. According to history or folklore, the first settlers who arrived in North America were greeted by the native Americans and soon were friends. The story goes that these settlers celebrated a day of Thanksgiving for their safe journey to the New World and shared the feast with their Indian brothers. One of the foods that the settlers supposedly ate was the American turkey, a bird that most have come to believe are rather stupid.
So when I read about some of the questions real people have asked the Butterball Talk Line, one has to ask the following question: Who is really stupid — the turkey, or those who asked these questions?:
Is it okay to thaw my turkey in the bathtub while bathing my kids?
Can I brine my turkey in the washing machine?
Can I use my oven’s self-cleaning cycle to speed up the cooking process?
If I cut my turkey with a chainsaw, will the oil affect the taste?
Can I take my frozen turkey into my sauna to thaw it faster?
But it gets better.
One Web site, noting that the turkey usually cooks somewhat unevenly, seriously advises serving your dinner in a low light level so your guests can’t get a good look at the finished bird.
Now that’s funny. Where are you going to have dinner? In a cave so no one can see the bird?
Here is another:
A disappointed woman called Butterball wondering why her turkey had no breast meat. It turned out she had cooked it upside-down.
These are our fellow citizens who get to vote and serve on juries. I would hope that none of these folks would be on my juror if I ever got into a jam.
I did hear of one other funny story concerning the cooking of a turkey. Two sons were going to surprise their parents and cook a Thanksgiving feast. They did a great job cooking the turkey. The only problem was that they failed to remove the giblets and neck from the bird prior to cooking it!