Mazda is recalling 52,000 model 6 sedans.  No, the accelerator does not stick.  It’s because the yellow sac spider likes to spin its web in the fuel system.  The spider displays a distinct fondness for four cylinder engines: it has never fouled a V6 (yet?).

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A Brigham Young University basketball player has been suspended for an honor code violation.  The code states:

  • Be honest;
  • Live a chaste and virtuous life;
  • Obey the law and all campus policies;
  • Use clean language;
  • Respect others;
  • Abstain from alcoholic beverages, tobacco, tea, coffee and substance abuse;
  • Participate regularly in church services;
  • Observe dress and grooming standards;
  • Encourage others in their commitment to comply with the honor code.

Brandon Davies was suspended from the team for violating the one about chastity: he admitted to the school that he had sex with his girlfriend.

Normally the mere thought of sports bores me to tears but this story has a certain ring to it.  Perhaps it’s the ring of hilarity…

Yes, that would be it.

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Newt Gingrich will run for president in 2012!

Wow, old Newt is setting the bar really high.  How can the other scumbags compete with a pair of heartless infidelities?  In the true spirit of America, somehow I know they will succeed.  Rumor has it Newt will not be campaigning at Brigham Young University.

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GALLIANO UPDATE

The other day I lamented fashion designer John Galliano making things difficult for the average guy to live up to by making anti-semitic remarks while drunk in public.  It turns out that doing this in France can land you in the pokey for up to six months (another reason to hate the French).

With this in mind, Galliano has suddenly become full of remorse, or at very least a remorse-like substance.

In the statement he said, “I was subjected to verbal harassment and unprovoked assault when an individual tried to hit me with a chair having taken violent exception to my look and my clothing.”

Well, that explains that, doesn’t it?  Someone said something you didn’t like so you naturally had to make an anti-semitic statement.  Perfectly reasonable, right?

Like Mel Gibson before him, this stuff didn’t just materialize out of nowhere.  Kids learn this kind of thing somewhere, don’t they?

I actually support anyone’s right to hate anyone else, as well as freedom of speech.  What I don’t like is the hypocrisy of it all.   Don’t get all remorseful on us – you don’t like Jews and you told everyone.

FYI, Galliano has checked himself into rehab for alcoholism.  This means we’ll soon have a sober anti-semite.

I’m still not sure why the Jews are such great (and popular) targets.

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9-11 firefighter dies of cancer linked to toxic dust

I distinctly remember Christie Whitman stating that the dust was perfectly safe.  It would be wrong of me to wish cancer on her, but still….

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SIRHAN SIRHAN UPDATE UPDATE

Sirhan Sirhan denied parole

Whether or not you believe in parole or if Sirhan deserved it, I strongly urge you to read the linked article.  Commissioner Mike Prizmich is clearly a sanctimonious prig, interested only in a public show of piety and style over substance.  He gives the impression that if Sirhan danced to Prizmich’s tune, he would clearly be eligible for parole (regardless of his true feelings or actions).  Prizmich made a mockery of the entire parole system.

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NEW: Man arrested for trapping woman in fold-out couch…

You can’t keep them down on the farm after they’ve seen the new Charlie Sheen porn parody…

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BUT SERIOUSLY, CHARLIE

Are you bipolar?  Mania would certainly explain the recent spate of press opportunities and your strange ranting.  Charlie – you could be self-medicating.  Please do yourself and your children a favor and have this checked out.  It can be better controlled with meds that are actually prescribed for you than street stuff and booze.  I speak from honesty and experience: I am married to a lady who is bipolar.