The clocks sprang forward an hour, resulting in the sky staying gray for an extra hour at night. Yes, it’s March Madness time in Philly, where the state bird is the cloud and the state color gray. It always rains (and sometimes snows) on Wednesdays. And where twenty one priests have been suspended for touching children.
In my capacity as the AntiSports<tm>, I picked up the word brackets. I find it’s always handy to learn one current sports term and casually drop it at work to get conversation going. It usually takes just moments for someone to realize I uttered a random sports word and then adopt a quizzical look.
News has reached my ears that the millionaires who play football are now in contention with the billionaires who own the teams. As if this weren’t good enough on its own, some genius on the news said it wasn’t fair because the owners are rich and some of the players don’t make $500,000.
Don’t you just bleed for the poor players?
Now don’t get me wrong: I am not a socialist. I do not believe that the salaries have to be brought closer to each other. I don’t care what any of the overprivileged, under-gray-mattered fellows makes. I sure as hell don’t make $500k per year and I have great amounts of difficulty summoning any sort of sympathy at all for the lot of them.
The upshot of the news story is that this could impact football in September. Never mind that we’re really far from September and this was just a ridiculous attention-grabbing headline: there might be no football.
Thinking about it further, the scary headline could mean one of the greatest things ever to happen to Philly since… well…. ever: No football!
So let the whole load of greedy bastards sit the entire season out. Baseball was the last sport to pull this stunt. This proved to the owners and teams that no matter how they screw the public, the public will line up to pay their inflated salaries like nothing happened. Plus city and state money will be forthcoming, as will a new stadium.
Things are gonna be different when I’m president.
NEXT WEEK: Never mind alcohol interlocks – I want a device that will shut down the engine when there’s a cell phone operating.