Today we inaugurate an occasional new series called Dear Shabby.  Shabigail is an Internet Guru par excellence who we found on Craigslist (where the hooker ads used to be).  Let’s see how Lockergnome’s first internet anti-social advice column goes….

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Dear Shabby:

In the course of my work, I need to purchase some of those handheld implements with one end that’s really sharp to help me open stuff.

My question:  If I put `boxcutter’ into Google, how long until the TSA, NSA, FAA, FBI and local police visit me in one of those nice large SWAT vans?

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Dear Shabby:

I noticed with great surprise that the French were first into Libya, with their air force delivering quite the bombing.  Why haven’t we heard these kinds of stories about the French in the past ten or twenty years?

-Puzzled in PA

Dear Puzzled:

A very good question.   The reason you haven’t heard much from the French air force is that their best scientists have been laboring twenty years over their latest breakthrough: a white flag you can wave from a jet.