Space Invaders Bottle Opener
Nothing says “take me to your leader” like a Space Invaders Bottle Opener, designed to ensure that leaders and loyal subjects of any planet are never without the comfort of a refreshing beverage. [Image shared by Space Scores: Episode V]
They rain down upon you in waves, like a never-ending infantry of homicidal mutant Rockettes. The Space Invaders march relentlessly toward your planet accompanied by a simple, yet suspenseful soundtrack of doom, and all you’ve got to ward them off is some kind of rinky dink gun shooter thingie that looks like a Monopoly board property enhancement and four shields that you can hide beneath — well, until crossfire between heaven and earth renders them kaput.

At least you don’t have to reload your gun with ammo, so there’s that.

In the late ’70s, when Space Invaders first hit the arcade (or bowling alley or family restaurant or dive bar or wherever you happened to see it first if you were around back then), it was seen as an innovative step forward in video game history. It was a bit too powerful for the tech existing at the time, so designer Tomohiro Nishikado, like some kind of wild-haired mad scientist obsessed with a project that would breathe life into a creature never before seen by the world, actually built his own hardware to accommodate it.

Not bad for an Earthling, hmmm?

Space Invaders, while being so ahead of its time, was also criticized by some for being a video game that you cannot win. Think about that. There’s not really an object beyond scoring higher points than anyone else at your arcade, bowling alley, family restaurant, or dive bar. In the end, though, no matter how raw your fingers get from slamming that button and slapping that joystick back and forth, the waves of aliens will eventually overwhelm you and breach your protective bunkers.

The space invaders will win. The space invaders will always win.

If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em. Or at least harness their dauntless resolve toward a purpose that will make your life easier.

Space Invaders Bottle Opener Comes in Peace

The Space Invaders Bottle Opener is a friendly looking facsimile of one of our dreaded enemies from the sky. Decked out in soothing green and absent of the trademark malevolent soundtrack that tends to accompany a full-on space invasion, this Space Invader is a lover, not a fighter.

And he (or maybe she? Or some gender that Earthlings couldn’t begin to understand) loves to open your drinks!

Perhaps some would say that it’s a small act of recompensation for all of the times our world’s been invaded from space, but when you’ve got a cold, freshly opened bottle of your favorite drink in hand, it’s easier to forgive past atrocities. Cheers!

Get your own Space Invaders Bottle Opener at Amazon and help right the wrongs of interstellar discourse!