Paranoia Can Be Fun

Over at his blog on Geeks, Eric Fox gives us this paranoid pizza pondering:

Ever heard the phrase, “I don’t suffer from paranoia, I enjoy every minute of it!” and wondered exactly what that means? Then you probably won’t understand this blog. But for the rest of you, please read on.

Anyone else notice the little crumbs that fall off of the bottom of a pizza? It’s not part of the crust — it just sticks to the bottom of the pizza. It always falls off in the box, or on your plate, or sticks to your lips, but a significant amount does make it into your mouth. So, why do we eat it? Why are we putting things into our mouths when we don’t know what they are? What if it’s something you really don’t want to eat?

What could these crumbs be, anyway? If they are part of the crust, then why are they stuck to the bottom of it instead of being baked in like the rest of the dough? What if it’s crumbs from the other pizzas that they have baked? How old is the bread you just stuck in your mouth and swallowed? That’s not something I want to be eating. What if it’s not bread? What if it’s not food at all? Maybe the pizza companies wanted to know what kind of ingredients the customers liked, and the best way was to plant tiny sensors into their pizzas that look like simple bread crumbs. Every slice of pizza you eat adds another couple dozen sensors into your body which send signals to their computers to let them know what to change in their recipe to get people to like them better. It doesn’t sound like a bad idea, but it’s a huge invasion of privacy. What if the sensors aren’t from the pizza companies? What if they’re from the government? What if they want to keep track of where people are, and how healthy they are? Again, a good thing, but a huge invasion of privacy.

But what if it’s not our government, but another one? What if aliens wanted to stick those sensors on our pizza? Yes, it all makes sense now! Aliens have planted tiny robotic sensors onto the bottoms of our pizza crust to learn the tastes of the human population in an effort to control the food market, thus controlling the people of the Earth! These small droids are hovering in our bodies until they safely pass through with the rest of the waste, taking information about our bodies, giving the aliens our secrets and weaknesses. Once in the stream of our water, they will collect together, force their way into the lakes and rivers of our planet, taking in more information of the strengths, weaknesses and secrets of the planet. Eventually, the tiny robot ninja sensors will wind up in the earth, taking control of the plant life, waiting until the aliens give the signal to poison our food, drain our lakes and rivers and siphon it off for their mobile army of trees, seaweed and house plants that will enslave the humans to grow more plants to rule over them and populate other planets; the aliens are actually a plant-like people that hate this entire planet for its over abundance of creatures that eat their kind. They go from planet to planet, enslaving or destroying the inhabitants and freeing their kind from the horrible role nature has given them: simple food for those of the flesh!

Warn your neighbors! Tell the press! Burn the lawyers! The Foliage-Cyborgs from outer space are coming to enslave us all! We must prepare to fight back! Get those missile silos in space to point outward to defend ourselves from the coming invasion with their first-strike capabilities! We can win the war, before it is too late! Don’t give up! We still have a chance! Destroy the forests! Drain the oceans! STOP EATING PIZZA! For the love of God, stop eating pizza! It was started by the French! They’re in on it! Run for you lives!

The truth is out there!

Whew. That was intense. *Grabs a slice of pizza.*

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Geekily We Roll Along

eGreetings!

Gnomedex is set to begin in just under two weeks. If you’re still undecided about attending, why not ask us about the different pricing and ticketing options? We really hope you’ll join us! The lineup of presenters this year is unparalleled, and there’s sure to be something that will reach out to you. Check out the lineup for yourself!

Recording videos is only one part of what I do. However, it’s a very important part! I’m blessed to have thousands of subscribers on my YouTube channel, and hundreds of thousands of video views.

One thing I am asked often are questions regarding the “best” ways to record a good quality video. It’s not only the camera you have to worry about. Make sure you have a nice, clean background as well.

Of course, for fun, you could always head outside and record random videos using your sunglasses! How cool would that be to just start recording everything your eyes can see?

If you’re looking for the best way to maintain your home or office network, look no further than SolarWinds.

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GoToAssist can help you provide instant support to clients, friends, or family members.

Who would have ever thought that the iPhone would be providing a boon to the flash memory market? I rely on my iPhone to survive, pretty much. I use it nearly as often as I use my actual Mac Pro! The more I use it, the more memory and storage I need. Being able to use flash memory on a mobile device is sending the demand for such things through the roof.

I had such an amazing time in Hawaii. It’s beautiful and relaxed there. The people are open and friendly. The food is awesome — as well as the wine!

Have you checked out our download site yet? Our developers have been working night and day to bring you a clean interface, coupled with downloads you really need. You’ll find tabs full of downloads for your Mac, Windows machine, or mobile device. There are programs and utilities available for everything from balancing your budget to backing up your system. Make sure you see what you might need today!

Capturing images on your screen is pretty simple, right? But what if you want to do more with them? Then you want to snag a copy of SnagIt. How did you ever get along without screen capture software? This one even integrates with AOL instant messenger and potentially your blog, too! Start your next screen capture the right way — manage it with TechSmith’s SnagIt.

You don’t necessarily have to be a technology enthusiast to be a geek. A geek is someone who is filled with passion for something. You can be a gardening geek, a motorcycle geek, or even a wine geek. Our Geeks social network is a place where geeks of all types, ages, and affinities can come together to discuss whatever it is that is on their minds. Join us today!

As always, I welcome your feedback, comments, and suggestions. If you’ve seen a cool Web site that the world should hear about — email it to me! If you have an idea for a video review… you know what to do. Also, if you’ve never stopped by our chat room, why not come and hang out? We’re typically talking tech, but you’d be surprised to find out what a huge variety of topics are covered on any given day!

How To Find Me On Twitter

Yesterday, not once, but twice, I was contacted by one of you through Twitter. Each direct message was from a Gnomie who had been around since the early days! Seems to me that Twitter has become an amazing way of staying connected throughout the day. Now, if you haven’t already signed up for Twitter, I’m not here to convince you to do so. It’s either something that’s up your alley (or not).

However, I’m certainly posting updates, contests, giveaways, links, etc. throughout the day — technology news to semi-personal views (yes, sometimes). I also use it to let people know when I’m starting to record my daily videos for YouTube. Follow me here if you haven’t already:

http://twitter.com/chrispirillo

Of course, your participation is most welcome through any one of the channels we’ve created for interactivity (like Geeks, for instance). It’s all about making connections – no matter where, no matter when, and no matter how!

Livin’ La Geeka Loca

If you’re looking for geeks, we’ve got just the place for you! Our community site, which boasts over 15,000 members, is looking forward to meeting you! Join us! Here’s some of the stuff being talked about there today:

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Snowball TiVo

If you’re looking for the best way to maintain your home or office network, look no further than SolarWinds.

Capturing images on your screen is pretty simple, right? But what if you want to do more with them. Then you want to snag a copy of SnagIt. How did you ever get along without screen capture software? This one even integrates with AOL instant messenger and potentially your blog, too! Start your next screen capture the right way — manage it with TechSmith’s SnagIt.

Yours Digitally,

Chris Pirillo

Dumb Computers And Women Of Wonder

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Guns For Roses

eGreetings!

The responses to my original homeschooling video and blog post have been amazing. I am hearing from students, parents, and educators. People are writing passionate debates both for and against educating kids at home. I added a couple of new posts to my blog today, featuring a few of the emails I’ve received.

Politics continues to be quite a hot topic on both Lockergnome and Geeks. It’s amazing to watch the interaction of so many different people, with varying viewpoints on each subject. The “arguments” stay civil, with everyone presenting their side of the coin for discussion. Dare I say some of us are learning new things we hadn’t thought of before?

What’s on your mind today?

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What are the pros of homeschooling a child?

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Are the Barack Obama coins a ripoff?

What is your favorite geek movie?

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Do you still remember Windows NT?

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What’s the funniest thing you’ve ever heard someone say about a computer?

GoToMeeting allows you to network with coworkers in real-time from anywhere in the world.

Where could that mystery music be coming from?

Did you know you can connect devices to your network using power outlets?

Do you know how to properly back up your hard drive?

What exactly does the Republican party want?

How much do you think Windows 7 will sell for?

Capturing images on your screen is pretty simple, right? But what if you want to do more with them? Then you want to snag a copy of SnagIt. How did you ever get along without screen capture software? This one even integrates with AOL instant messenger and potentially your blog, too! Start your next screen capture the right way — manage it with TechSmith’s SnagIt.

How do you convert files from JPEG to PPS?

Have you smiled yet today?

Is Microsoft losing patience with OEMs?

Do you have a geek dog yet?

Do ethics and morals vary based on demographics?

Join me as a member of ExpoTV, where you can make money simply by creating videos about products you may already own! It’s free to get started, easy to do, and you’ll have a great time in the process! Start your account today!

Have you gotten to try out iWeb 09 yet?

Predict the 2009 Oscar winners!

Should smokers have rights, too?

The Wii Fit games may be simple… but they’re a lot of fun.

What snack do you reach for when you’re at your computer in full “geek mode?”

Here are a bunch of network tools for Windows.

Yours Digitally,

Chris Pirillo

New Geek Rising

If you’re looking for geeks, we’ve got just the place for you! Our community site, which just broke the 13,000 member mark, is looking forward to meeting you! Join us! Here’s some of the stuff being talked about there today:

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Geek At Last!

If you’re looking for geeks, we’ve got just the place for you! Our community site, which just broke the 13,000 member mark, is looking forward to meeting you! Join us! Here’s some of the stuff being talked about there today:

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A Geeks Peek

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A Monday Most Geekly

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Geeky Holidays

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All I Want For Christmas Is Some News From Geeks

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On Geeks: Star Wars, LEGO, And Games Giveaway

eGreetings!

I think you’ll appreciate this.

If you want one of those gifts, you know what you gotta do (HINT: read the directions found at the link). You can get LEGO Wonderland, Star Wars Smiles, or Family Game Night — the choice is totally yours. It’s EASY to enter – you’re crazy if you don’t at least leave a comment!

Don’t say we never did anything for you. Oh, and you’re also welcome to join us tonight for the launch of GeeksRadio.fm!

Don’t say… oh, wait. I already said that.

Yours Jinglebelly,

Chris Pirillo

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